Our long national nightmare is over – finally, February’s Blanket Of The Month. Come on in, the reading’s fine!

First, the High Noon show sales wrap-up. Sold 62 blankets, bought one. Fortunately, I can make up the enormous plunge in inventory by ordering 61 antique Indian blankets from…uh….let’s face it, I am so screwed.

But let’s not worry about my future inability to support my huge family with even the most minimal requirements to sustain life and instead concentrate on the greatest fashion accessory ever to be seen at the High Noon show. Never have I been so fascinated by a man’s crotch as when Mr. Greg Simoes ambled by wearing a belt buckle he had conceived, commissioned and modeled to abs-olute perfection.

Moo-ving right along I concluded business in Mesa and zoomed down to Tucson for the colossal Gem & Mineral Show. I shopped vendor after vendor knowing full well where I would end up. Four years ago I bought two frames of magnificent Peruvian butterflies from a gentleman who calls his business Butterflies By God. In all fairness, his butterflies may very possibly be by God. Unfortunately, the rest of his goods are definitely by Satan. Frame after frightening frame of gigantic African beetles; grotesque flying lizards; and centipedes big enough to go on carnival rides. Every year I swear I won’t go anywhere near this nightmare of a booth and yet I am inexorably drawn there like…well, a moth to a frame. This year’s featured item – dried sleeping bats from Thailand. They come individually packaged, of course, but here’s the demo model.

I learned his source in Thailand buys them fresh from a food bazaar and uses a secret recipe to make them showroom ready that involves over 100 hours of drying time. And the fuss they make about the Coca-Cola formula!

Next stop…the Chinese vendors. There are numerous Chinese companies that make the trek to Tucson every year and among their wares are dinosaur eggs, fabulous stone carvings and all manner of exotic minerals, but this year they surpassed themselves with an item that has joined my collection of international treasures. From the mysterious Orient comes BACONSTONE!

It’s real, features a convenient hole for hanging in your kitchen or slaughterhouse and was available in slices or slabs. I went slice.

I could tell you plenty more about my adventures in Tucson, but I really don’t feel like it and isn’t it time for this month’s blanket? It totally is so let’s delve deep into the Sid Ferris collection for this very unusual and colorful 1920’s era 9-element Pendleton Woolen Mills shawl.

If you missed the unbelievable explosion over Russia, there will surely be chunks of the guilty meteorite for sale in Tucson next year, but let me assure you the smart money will be going into baconstone. Bring it home.