July 2012

I’ve never written a Blanket Of The Month entry any later than the 4th of any month before and if my calendar is correct it appears to be the 7th. So let me start by offering all of you an apology and if you’ll forward your shipping address I’ll send each one of you a pony.

I seem to be obsessed with something or other every month and this month it’s fitness.  I’ve decided to get in shape and so far that shape would be pear.  Yes, I’m Anjouish.

Actually, I look really good for my age if you happen to think my age is the Mesozoic.  My problem is I think I should have the same level of fitness I did as a young man and that’s just not realistic.  I was a champion tennis player in high school and could run like a deer, which sounds great but let me assure you the antlers were a pain and I got tired of getting shot at all the time.  On the plus side, I could really jump over the net at the end of a match.

I’ve belonged to the same gym for eight years and proud to say I don’t know the name of a single person there.  I’m there to exercise, not socialize.  I hired an impersonal trainer – I wouldn’t let the guy say squat. He didn’t like me – there’s a pool at the gym and he suggested I sign up for a synchronized drowning class.

I didn’t need whatever his name was.  I’ve developed my own routines and the results speak for themselves.  I’m not so much ripped as I am torn.  I have six pack absents.  Venus de Milo has better arms.  I fall off the stationary bikes.  Forget the Stairmaster – I’m waiting for the Elevatormaster.  Don’t even get me started with Jesus and cross-training.
I’m starting to get carried away, which is how I usually leave the gym so drop and give me fifty and then let’s get to this month’s wooly wonder.  From the Gary Asteak collection comes a Buell Winnebago pattern. A hundred years old and like me still looks great!

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